Divorce to Healing

For those affected in any way by divorce and are in the process of healing or been healed.


So many times, people are controlled by the patterns that have been established in their lives.  Good or bad, it seems like we can’t shake the bad ones for the life of us.  From bad physical habits to ongoing relationship issues, it feels like our lives can operate on auto-pilot with no off ramp to get away from them.

The most destructive pattern I had to overcome was my inability to communicate. I was that guy who just clammed up, especially whenever there was conflict.  I would rather say nothing than to share my real feelings because I thought not hurting the other person actually made things better.  Little did I know that they wanted me to be honest, and vocal!!

How frustrating it had to have been to look at a guy just staring at the floor, wall, or them with what seemed like superglue on my lips.  As badly as I wanted to, I just couldn’t open my mouth.  I tried to blame my upbringing, but that is just an excuse.  My folks loved me and did their best to raise me right, and they did a great job.  I just don’t know why I did it.  I think because of fear of what may happen next, I just chose to sit silently by, and watch my marriage fall apart.  My communication issues were not the main reason of the marriage failure, but I can tell you it sure didn’t help matters any!!

My pattern of not communicating was a destructive pattern.  Just like a healthy habit of working out and eating a healthy diet will create a healthy body, an unhealthy personality trait will cause your relationship to be unhealthy.

What kind of destructive patterns do you have right now?  Can you be real and honest with yourself to admit you need to change them?

In 1 Chronicles 28:11-18 (NASB), David passes on God’s plans for the temple he is to build to Solomon, right down to the utensils.  And then he says this in verse 19:

“All this, “said David, “the Lord made me understand in writing by His hand upon me, all the details of this pattern.”

Our God is a god of order.  My pastor says it this way, “Where order is restored, blessing is released.”

When we finally decide to turn our bad patterns in for good ones, you will start to heal from the consequences of those bad patterns you have held on to for far too long.  But just like my workout routine, if I am not consistent, I won’t see the results of that decision I made to change.  I will end up falling right into the same old pattern that is killing me.

Paul writes in the book of Philippians 3:13b-14 (NASB):

“…, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

And then he finishes with verse 17:

Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.”  There is that word again.

If you are like me, you need a little direction and encouragement to figure out how to do this.  Well, as you have probably already figured out if you have been with us for a while here at Divorce to Healing, I am no expert.  I am just a guy who has been there, just like you.  I can help you get started, but the real transformation happens when you totally surrender to all that God has for you through Jesus and letting His Holy Spirit guide you.

Here is where you can start —

Romans 12:2  (NASB)  “Therefore, I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

If you are totally honest with God and willing to let Him lead you with your every thought, word and deed, He will guide you and help you to eliminate the bad patterns in your life and establish new healthy patterns in your life.

I have a few other resources if you would like some additional encouragement:

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days:
7 Days:


My prayer is that you live for all that He has for you!!

Be blessed!!



Sometimes things just happen.  Sometimes you can fix the damage.  Sometimes there is a death.  Sometimes you walk away praising God that He protected you.

Today I heard a message from my pastor that wrecked me, in a good way.  It opened my eyes to things from my past that has caused pain and issues in my past relationships.  I can honestly say God protected me in ways I can only see now, many years later.  In other ways, He brought up issues in my recent past and my present that I still need to deal with moving forward.

How do you handle the ‘wrecks’ of life?  If you are reading this blog, chances are it is the wreck of divorce or separation that has brought you here.  How are you handling it?

Are you sitting in the wreck, awake but in severe need of rescue?  Are you in pain and needing rehabilitation?  Are you recovering, but scared of what the future holds or if you ever want to get back in another vehicle (relationship)?  Wherever you are, it is ok.  God is with you, He loves you, and He wants to help you.

I wonder sometimes how many of you would want me to tell you to do more, give you more specific advice, and provide more direction.  I feel at times I need to do a better job of that, and I will.  My plan is to post more detailed encouragements and helps in the future.

I do believe that God wants to tell you Himself, in the perfect way that only He can do.  You will NEVER get any advice from any human being that is greater than the wisdom God can give.  I don’t care how many initials are after the person’s name, how many degrees and awards they have, or how high their IQ/EQ shows up on a test.

Job 12:13 (NLT)   “But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are his.”

I am always humbled by how many people I have been able to help over the years through leading marriage and divorce groups, providing Divorce to Healing Reading Plans on the YouVersion Bible app, and private discussions with people to help them out and on from the wrecks in their lives.  And that is why I feel wrecked now.

I realized today that I need to double, triple, and infinitely double down on what God has called me to do, which is to help those that need help at one of the toughest times in their life.  I will and I must because like you, God is calling me out of the wreck.  He is calling us all to move closer to Him and into what He has for us.

I am so looking forward to our futures together.  Take a few minutes and ask God where you are in the process of healing.  Ask Him what the next steps need to be.  Move into what He has for you, even if at this moment is to get over the shock of the wreck, unbuckle your seat belt, and survey the damage.

How can I help you in this process?  Feel free to leave me a comment and I will do my best to respond in person as soon as I can.

PRAYER:  Father God, may we all reach towards your helping and healing hands in this time of wreckage and damage.  We give you our lives and ask that you lead us today into the next step of the plan you have for us.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days:
7 Days:


Don’t Settle

There will come that time when you have moved down the healing path and you feel it may be time to consider dating again.

God loves you and has a plan for your life. Don’t let yourself get in the way!!

Here is a wonderful video from an ex-single parent’s perspective and both men and women should take this attitude.

Her name is Kristina Kuzmic. She is known as the “Truth Bomb Mom” on Facebook. Follow her here:

He Is With Us

Sometimes we just need to know that God is with us.  Trust in Jesus and God is always there.

Milestone !!!

Just wanted to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart!!

From those who have encouraged me to follow God into His calling to all of those that trusted me to speak into their lives via the Reading Plans, THANK YOU!!

Feel free to continue to share these Godly, free resources to those dealing with the effects of divorce and separation. You never know the lives you may change because of this simple act of kindness.

Reading Plans:
31 Days:
7 Days:


Be blessed!!

In the Blink of an Eye

It is amazing what can happen when we least expect it.  Just a few days ago, it happened to me once again.  When I wasn’t even watching or paying attention, it came in the blink of an eye.


Times in my life I have wondered why “this”, why “that”, or why “now”.  As a Christian, I have learned that I need to spend that time wisely.  To live in the past is not wise, but to learn from it in a healthy way is beneficial.

Looking back, I have learned that to have a healthy perspective on events, good or bad, is what can set you up for a better future.  A divorce is one of the hardest events to ever occur in someone’s life.  Learning from mistakes, taking responsibility for consequences, and growing through heartbreak is meant to be a process, not a destination.  If you can’t move on, decide right now that you WILL move on and then get whatever help you need to do it.

When I went through my first divorce, the saying that God gave me was “Jesus and I are movin’ on”.  This implied action and decision on my part.  I could have resisted. I could have let myself spiral into vices or self-pity, and there was as a time I thought those would help.  They didn’t.

What ultimately brought me out of the ‘funk’ was knowing that Jesus was by my side, no matter what, and that He loved me unconditionally.  Friends and family were around to encourage me, even if they didn’t know what to say or they said the wrong things.  I know they cared about me as a person.  I wasn’t in this alone.

It changed my perspective.

Back in 2016, God impressed on me (and literally dragged me) to finish a Divorce to Healing reading plan for the YouVersion Bible App.  The Bible App is one of the most downloaded apps all over the world. It is literally the bible in your hand.  They also include reading plans or devotionals that can help people grow closer to God.  This is what I was supposed to do.

I needed to create 31 different days on different topics.  I was stuck on about Day 17 for a few months. I wasn’t motivated any more to finish it, but God lovingly convinced me to be obedient.

In 2017, God gave me a desire to do a shorter 7 day plan to compliment the first plan.  It allowed people to have a shorter devotional that they could complete quickly and give them a desire to download the longer 31 day plan.  And now, I am just humbled beyond belief.

Today (Jan 26, 2018) is a huge day for the ministry of Divorce to Healing.  God told me to help people through the divorce process.  At times, I didn’t know what to say or do.  I just needed to do something.

As of today, “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” and “DIvorce to Healing: Survive and Thrive” have been completed over 25,000 times.  They been downloaded over 55,000 times.  I don’t know what to say.  All I want to do is cry.

Behind every one of the downloads is a soul.  Behind every completion is a story.

Every one of these numbers humble me.  It makes me long to know that those reading plans have made a difference, even for a moment.  I wonder how those precious people are doing, even months and years after using the plans.  Then God gave me a little more perspective.

On January 13th, 2018, I picked up my phone and saw a notification.  It said that this blog had increased traffic that day.  I have seen it before and love to know that God is directing people that need help to reach out.  Little did I know how many……

On that one day, this blog spiked to 1,845 views.  I could literally swipe down to reload the stats and see new people every minute looking at this blog.  I wondered why, and figured it was because of people checking out the reading plan.  More perspective.

On that same day, 2,457 people downloaded one of the two reading plans.  If it was physically able to, my mouth would still be on the floor.  Words can’t describe the feeling.  Good and bad.

While seeing the work I put in being of value to people, it breaks my heart that people have to go through what I went through.  I wish I could just reach out and encourage them.

So this goes out to you all, whether you have just found this blog and the reading plans or have been with us for years.  You are not alone.  People love you.  It gets better.  You will survive.  You will make it.  Jesus and you are movin’ on!!

Thank you for being obedient to God by allowing others, including myself, to speak life to you.  I know sometimes the last thing you want to do is to be around anyone.  You can’t run or hide from the love Jesus has for you. He will be with you every step of the way.

This is my new perspective:  God can even use me, a two-time divorcee, to bring light and love to the world.  And He can and will use you too, if you let Him.

I would love to hear from you, however and whenever you feel up to it.  Leave me a comment or just a word for me.  Pass along your story.  It will encourage others at the same time.

I leave you with this:

The blink of an eye is but a moment in time.  Eventually, the tear is wiped away and you can see clearly again.

The Forgiveness Message

If I could boil down the issues that people deal with pertaining to divorce, I would say the one that brings the greatest amount of healing is forgiveness.

This is a message from my pastor, Stovall Weems from Celebration Church in Jacksonville, Florida. He preached this last Sunday, Dec 17, 2017. I knew after listening to it that I wanted to share it with you.

May it help you to understand how powerful and life changing forgiveness, real complete forgiveness, can give you.


Healing a Broken Heart

They say that ‘time heals all wounds’. Sorry to tell you this, but that is a load of fertilizer!!! (PG)

A sprained ankle takes 5-14 days to heal. A broken leg takes 6-8 weeks to heal. A heart attack takes 2-3 months to heal. A stoke takes 3-24 months to heal, sometimes not completely.

How long does it take to heal a broken heart? When does the pain end? Will I ever feel good again?

broken heart (also known as a heartbreak or heartache) is a term metaphor for the intense emotional—and sometimes physical—stress or pain one feels at experiencing great longing. The concept is cross-cultural, often cited with reference to a desired or lost lover, and dates back at least 3,000 years. Emotional pain that is severe can cause ‘broken heart syndrome’, including physical damage to the heart. ~~~ Wikipedia

Physical healing takes many forms, depending on the injury/disease that needs to be addressed. From doctors and nurses to fluids and gauze, things must be addressed with the final result in mind. There is a plan, a course of action showing the way to the desired result; healing.

“The oxygen (air) and nutrients (food) that new blood carries to the wound are crucial to the healing process. By improving circulation and blood flow, more healing nutrients and oxygen reach the cells.”~~ Blood, Oxygen, & Wound Healing – UnityPoint Health

When it comes to physical healing, the importance of blood flow and the blood itself cannot be understated. Without blood, it will not survive.

Blood is made up of:

  1. Red blood cells – carries oxygen throughout the body
  2. White blood cells – fight infections
  3. Platelets – cells that help you stop bleeding if you get cut
  4. Plasma – a yellowish liquid that carries nutrients, hormones, and proteins throughout the body

You can now see how important the blood is to the life of a body, especially if it is hurting and wounded, or diseased and dying.

Just like a healthy physical heart pumps life-giving blood to the physical body, so does a healthy spiritual heart pump live-changing blood to our soul. When our heart is not healthy (ie broken), the rest of our body (soul) suffers and begins to die. WE NEED OPEN HEART SURGERY!!!

Jesus, our Great Physician, has a plan for healing the broken heart. You need to approve his OPEN heart surgery. You need to allow Him to be the One that fixes your heart. He needs you to sign the consent form, and trust Him to do the work.

Romans 10:9  If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. NLT

The plan for healing is to increase the blood flow to the broken heart. It needs the life-changing blood of Jesus to heal completely.

Spiritual blood is made up of:

  1. The Breathe of God – carries oxygen to the soul
  2. The Protection of God – fights invasions from the enemy (infections of the soul)
  3. The Mercy of God – helps your soul to stop bleeding in case you get hurt again
  4. The Word of God – carries the food, growth and strength throughout the soul

Can you heal from a broken heart without Jesus?

You may be able to get relief from pain and loneliness, move on to the next relationship, and tell yourself you are ok.  Having gone through 2 divorces and with over 12 years of care ministry to those going through the divorce process, I can honestly say that those who surrendered completely to the full healing process of Jesus came through their divorce with the greatest ability to move forward in life successfully. Healed and whole.

I’m not saying it is all going to be rainbows and bubble gum. It is hard. It is tough. It may take years. Trust in the only healing that will bring complete and total restoration. Who wants to limp through life with a super-glued heart that has a murmur and only 3 working chambers?

No physical treatment program can fully and completely heal a broken heart. Don’t trust some friend who says to just get back in the saddle. Would you trust them to do open heart surgery on you physically? Why would you trust them to attempt to perform open heart surgery on your broken heart that is a part of your soul?

Only the Creator of the heart can heal a broken heart.

Open your heart. Give him control. Give it time. Be patient. Let the Great Physician do what only He can do.

Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

A Divorce to Healing Testimony: Scott

From Scott, in his own words.

Thank you, Scott!!!


Been reading your devotionals on YouVersion. No truer words than these…
This is the time you need to move on from destructive thoughts and behaviors. It is the time to move past accusations, pain, and fear.. It is time to move into a greater relationship with God and to move into all He still has for you.
The one thing God has pressed upon me since I found out about her affair and when she moved out, was simply this… I must forgive her for ME to heal. It was something I knew, above all else, that I HAD to do!  It took me many prayers, screaming at God, crying out to Him, “God, I can’t do this!  I know I need to, but I can’t. And truthfully, I don’t want to!  But I know I need to.  I need You to help me do this!”
Through this, He changed my heart.  I was given the opportunity to forgive her face-to-face. I did.  She ignored me, changed the subject. But I discovered that it wasn’t about her response… it was about mine. And by being obedient that day when He told me, “Do it now.  Forgive her”  I was set free of so much that was weighing me down.
But then, God taught me something new!  He told me, as I quickly found out, that Forgiveness is NOT a one-and-done… it’s a daily process. I learned to stop saying simple prayers for her and start praying blessings over her!  I struggled with this, but now pray for her job, car, increase, protection, and still most importantly, her healing and return to God.  Even if it is not with me, I pray that I can see her healed and whole.
Thank you for being obedient to God in your ministry.  Thank you for helping others like me.  I have a friend going through a nasty divorce that I have asked to read your devotionals, as well.  Thank you.
BE blessed!
One thing I have continued to pray is that if I must go through this, that God would allow me to use it to help someone else. I never even imagined that I could do so before I got through this!  But He has called me to reach out to a few people, and I’ve been able to strengthen and encourage them… not because of me or what I did, but because of what God has done in and through me.
I know this won’t be easy to get through, but I know that in forgiveness I have found peace… even though it still hurts.
I literally feel like an amputee sometimes, like I’m missing part of me. I mean I am actually.  But through forgiveness (and prayer) come healing. You cannot have one without the other.  God has been so amazing through this. Thank you again!
Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

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